In world news, it has been reported that Tiger Woods, in addition to sleeping with Jaimee Grubbs, has also had an on-going affair with the country of Afghanistan. Despite initially denying the Afghanistan affair rumors the past week, incriminating voicemails, photos, and over 300 texts were uncovered today between the two parties.

“I’m just so sorry about the affair I had with Afghanistan,” said the teary-eyed Woods. “I’ve let my fans, family, and all the Western allies down. As I was watching President Obama’s address, I knew that I had done wrong. I am sorry for my actions, and I promise that if I have any more future affairs, I will not cross enemy lines.”

According to sources, Elin Nordegren, Wood’s wife, was not surprised about the news, claiming, “That explains all the random vacations to Kabul, the half-naked posters of Hamid Karzai, and his insistence on eating naan with all his meals.”