In sports news, professional golfer Vijay Singh, a three-time major championship winner, has reportedly murdered three individuals in an attempt to “keep up” in the press with fellow golfer, Tiger Woods. Singh, who is known as a very mellow, good person, felt inclined to do something “horrifically drastic” since he and other pro golfers have been left out of the spotlight since Woods’ affairs have gone public.

“Yes, I killed three people,” said Singh. “I murdered them in cold blood. But you know what? I still can’t even get the back page of the Daily News! Everything golf-related is all about Tiger [Woods]. I was so sick of hearing about the affairs that I felt I had to do something out of body. Doesn’t anybody hear me? I killed people!”

“I fully support my friend’s murders,” said pro golfer and friend Ernie Els. “I tried to make press myself by donating $1,000,000 to the Ku Klux Klan, but I didn’t see even a small negative bit from TMZ! It’s quite sad that people are just not interested in the terrible things other golfers do.”

While Singh has openly admitted to the murders, police have decided to let him off the hook due to non-interest. Singh is expected to take part and lose to Tiger Woods in his next schedule golf tournament.