In baseball news, the New York Mets, Anaheim Angels, Chicago Cubs, and Tampa Bay Rays have announced a four-way salary dump, ridding themselves of players who have been a financial burden on the team by physically placing them in a dumpster. The four teams congregated at 9 AM this morning to meet with officials from the city dump in regards to how their players would be disposed of.

“We have been looking at ways to get rid of [Luis Castillo], but no one actually wanted him,” said Mets GM, Omar Minaya as he helped lift his player into the dumpster. “I talked to a few other GMs, and they all agreed that the dump was the only way to get rid of him.”

“Milton [Bradley] has been a distraction, and the only method we found to be reasonable was to simply place him in a dumpster, and be done with it,” said Cubs GM, Jim Hendry, who was operating the crane.

“We’re not happy about this dumping situation,” said Gary Matthews Jr.’s agent, Scott Leventhal, next to his client from inside the dumpster. “The Angels signed my client to a contract, and regardless of his production, he has basic civil rights—he shouldn’t have to be pulled out of bed, and throw in a dumpster!”

While most sides of the salary dump were pitted against each other, former-Rays hitter Pat Burrell had a more positive perspective.

“I’m actually pretty excited about the new opportunity,” said Burrell. “While the dumpster smells pretty bad, at least I won’t be in an unwanted situation. I’m going to try to keep a positive attitude throughout my entire tenure with the dumpster.”

The salary dumpster has been a tool used by General Managers for the past decade, most famously by the Dodgers with their Darren Dreifort and Kevin Brown debacles, and has been the most proven method to dispose of worthless players making far too much money. According to sources, the San Francisco Giants have been trying to recycle starting pitcher Barry Zito, claiming that he's 75% plastic—they have been unsuccessful so far.