In technology news, Apple has unveiled their latest state-of-the-art computer, which is expected to make even the most asshole Mac user even more of an asshole. Like all of their previous hip products, their newest computer will most certainly provoke more hipster-like people to arrogantly project their pro-Apple propaganda on normal people who don’t really care about what their computer looks like as long as it has fast internet capabilities, Word, and solitaire.

“Not only will our new computer put us ahead of our competitors, but it will also make us about $500 billion dollars since these just slightly updated computers will cost about $5,000 each,” said Apple executive, Michael Keller. “We’re just glad that we can provide our egotistical clients with a product that fuels their superiority disorder.”

According to sources, Dell, IBM, and other PC-companies still plan to produce perfectly respectable computers that can essentially perform the same tasks but for more than half the price.