In sports news, the New York Jets have agreed to take on former cult leader and convicted murderer, Charles Manson, as their special teams coach. Since the Jets have already added cornerback Antonio Cromartie, who is dealing with unheralded paternity issues, wide-receiver Santonio Holmes, who has a history of drug and domestic abuse, and many other "thugs," Jets general manager Mike Tannenbaum feels that the addition of Manson will give the Jets a new, extremely dangerous weapon on special teams.

"Everyone in the league knows what Charlie [Manson] is capable of," said Jets general manager, Mike Tannenbaum. "As much as football is a physical game, it's also a psychological one too. We feel that Charlie has the unique ability to get through to a large group of people, and really get into their heads. Our goal is for the opposing team to legitimately fear for their lives when we take the field."

According to sources close the the Jets, Mike Westhoff, who has served as the Jets special teams coach since 2001, has already been brutally murdered and eaten by Charles Manson.