In fashion news, the Gap has released a new pair of khaki shorts for its men Spring line, which will expose 30% more pasty, white man upper thigh. Even though non-white male customers complained about how last season's pair ruined their Spring due to "the abundance of paleness in parks, restaurants, and weekend barbecues," the Gap is confident that the new shorts will blow last season's level of "really white, hairy legs" out of the water.

"We really wanted to redefine social standards for how much leg white men can show," said Gap executive, Peter Myrles. "Like clockwork, once the weather is reasonably nice, white men will ditch their sky-blue Levi jeans, and throw on a pair of Gap khaki shorts. However, we wanted to create a pair of shorts that really lets people know, 'Hey! See these awfully white legs? It's spring!'"

According to sources, the Gap is planning for a summer release of its 100% cotton t-shirt with a full mane of curly chest hair, to ensure that white men will always have a disgusting, sweaty chest exposed at all times.