Facebook to Launch New Mandatory Social Security Number Section on Profile

May 26, 2010
Article, Technology, Facebook, Social Networking, Privacy, Social Security Number, Ex-Boyfriend, Photo Album, Happy Birthday, Post, Facebook PostIn technology news, Facebook has once again redefined the line of online privacy this week by launching a new mandatory "social security number" section on user's profiles. Users will now be forced to enter in their social security number right between their favorite movies and personal quotes, an addition that has caused quite a stir in the Facebook community.

"When I logged in yesterday, Facebook wouldn't let me look at my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend's pictures unless I entered in my social security number first," said 24 year-old, Cindy Ballintine. "I really wanted to see what that fucking skank looked like and why he choose her over me, so I didn't really have a choice in the matter."

While users like Cindy are weary of the new security measure taken by Facebook, and aren't pleased with sharing their social security number with literally billions of dangerous people across the globe, the mere idea of not being able to write "happy birthday!" on that person's wall you were sort of friends with 7 years ago, or the inability to add "Iron Man 2" to your favorite movies, or even not creating that trite and completely unoriginal Spring Break picture album, is something Facebook users just couldn't stand to live without.

New Gap Shorts to Expose 30% More Pasty, White Man Upper Thigh

April 16, 2010
Article, Fashion, The Gap, Gap, Khaki, Shorts, Levi, Jeans, Khaki Shorts, Summer, Spring, Pale, Legs, Pasty, Chest Hair, Sweat, Parks, Restaurants, Barbecues, BBQ, ClothesIn fashion news, the Gap has released a new pair of khaki shorts for its men Spring line, which will expose 30% more pasty, white man upper thigh. Even though non-white male customers complained about how last season's pair ruined their Spring due to "the abundance of paleness in parks, restaurants, and weekend barbecues," the Gap is confident that the new shorts will blow last season's level of "really white, hairy legs" out of the water.

"We really wanted to redefine social standards for how much leg white men can show," said Gap executive, Peter Myrles. "Like clockwork, once the weather is reasonably nice, white men will ditch their sky-blue Levi jeans, and throw on a pair of Gap khaki shorts. However, we wanted to create a pair of shorts that really lets people know, 'Hey! See these awfully white legs? It's spring!'"

According to sources, the Gap is planning for a summer release of its 100% cotton t-shirt with a full mane of curly chest hair, to ensure that white men will always have a disgusting, sweaty chest exposed at all times.

New Interactive Pixelated iPhone Game Enables Gamers to Create Own Interactive Pixelated iPhone Game

March 15, 2010
Article, Technology, Apple Mac, iPad, iPod, iPhone, Zynga, Mobile, Games, Farmsville, Pixelated, Pixels, Interactive, Facebook, Twitter, Social NetworkingIn technology news, Zynga, creator of Farmville, has developed a brand new interactive pixelated iPhone game which enables gamers to create their very own interactive pixelated iPhone game. Zynga feels that they are offering a gaming experience that will not only revolutionize mobile gaming, but one that will most certainly make all gamers uncomfortably squint at some fuzzy blobs on a small screen.

"We're really trying to encourage gamers to not just play the pixelated games we make, but to also make their own," said Zynga executive, Terry Engal. "As fun as it might be to raise a really blurry farm, maybe some gamers would rather run an extremely out-of-focus restaurant. I don't know. But that's up to the gamer to decide."

The game is expected to hit the iStore on Monday, March 22. When asked how many copies they expected to sell on the first day, Zynga executives said they were "unclear."

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