“You only have four to six months to live—but the good news is that at least you know Ali is the new Bachelorette.”

“It looks like your iron is 18, and your cholesterol is 195. But somehow, I’d still give your body a solid 8.5”

“I know I’m supposed to be all professional and stuff, but—look at those tits!”

“Hello Ms. Baker, I’d like you to undress now so I can give you a check-up. And yes, I realize it’s an unorthodox way to interview for receptionists.”