"Is it ironic that I am only interested in living in the same shitty neighborhoods my grandparents tried to escape from at the turn of the century?...either ironic or maybe some other less flattering adjective."

“You’re going to have to speak up about your symptoms, AC/DC is about to play on my iPod.”

"I'm so sorry I'm late to your birthday, but I saw this huge queue outside a trendy store, so I felt compelled to just stand in it so people could see me and then Tweet about it until I got to the front. I didn't even bother going in."

“We’re out of syringes, but we need to take a blood test from you. Are you going to be a prude and not let me use this used syringe?”